I have not forgetton about "Today's Post"... Bree and I have been talking, about being actors and about being here... about having a life past this moment. About the big things: our life together, a family, and the where and when of all this. Now, while there is still some time to be had before we are even hearing wedding bells of our own, these are the kinds of things that we need to understand about where we are going with our lives.
Bree doesn't want to raise a family here, away from our families and all of our friends, and I see what she has to say. I don't want that either...
It seems that neither of us view LA as home, and that makes being here so hard sometimes. Even though Nick is here, and I am so glad that he is, being here doesn't feel as right as it did. Don't get me wrong, like I said yesterday, I am not packing up the gear and moving back to the Mid-West anytime soon.
I guess what makes it feel this way is that we don't want to part of the Hollywood game, we don't want to be on the cover of People and we see what someone will do to get that one moment in the sun. And that is not who we are... I had a hard question given to me tonight - Bree and I were at dinner talking this over again and she asked, "Do you want to be an actor, or do you want to be famous"... and I froze... because I didn't really know the answer... and that burned me up inside - because I want to be an actor... and if I become famous because of the world we live in, because of being good at my job, then so be it - but I don't want to be famous, and I think that I have been going about it all wrong out here, as though that was what I was trying to get.
I want to work - as an actor - to pay my bills from acting, which I know is the hardest type of job to have in the whole world, but that is what I want and that is what I came here to get. And I think what we came to realize is, that if I am here and trying and trying and not getting anywhere, there is nothing wrong with going someplace else to see about doing it there... I don't know if that someplace would be New York, or back to Chicago... who knows... I just know that LA is not my home, and I feel like it never will be.
This doesn't change much, really and yet it changes everything... Bree and I are here, for now, working and fighting for our dreams and who knows what the future holds for us, what will become of us here... we know that we have a home in the midwest and a place from which to regroup if things don't go the way that we want them too... but who knows...
So those are my thoughts... and I would love to hear from those of you that read this. I know most read and do not leave a mark of their thoughts, but this is one of those times when I would love to hear the thoughts of those that I hold dear to me.
Thanks for you time
Have a safe and wonderful Holiday
J
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8 comments:
J-
From someone like you, back here at home, I applaud your thoughts and wish you the best as you contemplate such a dilemma (as it truly is). Go with your heart! You can make dreams come true BECAUSE OF YOU and NOT where you are. What is important to you? Who is important to you? Consider these and know that we support you in whatever you do. These are not light words; we are here for you (a phone call or email away) always, bud!
Workin' it hard, like someone else I know...follow your heart AND dreams!
-CK (RZN STAR)
I put my comments in an email as I thought they would be too long of a rambling. I love you guys and miss you lots! Good luck with what you decide.
Ditto, bro. : )
Mr. Frodo Sir - Satisfaction is a matter of heart and a matter of soul. The place where the two find harmony is home. Happiness is when you realize you have found your home.
Happiness is not a matter of your street address.
I'm happy.
Sam
Every artist worth a pint of warm spit has gone through some version of this question: how much to sacrafice for art? To quote Georges Bizet,"Theatre, what a noble art, what a lousy profession!"
Until "the revolution (tm)" comes, we all have to make sacrifices wheather its sucky day jobs, bad living circumstances, or whatever. In a way, I envy the people who are so cluelessly devoted that they never face questions like these. but we all know who those actors are, because they're the ones we laugh at on screne: they've never looked deeply enough inside themselves to concincingly portray "eating a taco" let alone Hamlet.
For me, the hard part is convincing myself that I'm not some weak-kneed ninny for getting tired of eating rammen noodles for 3-months between jobs. It's like we're all part of some cult of strength, where you're not allowed to have any intrests or any life outside of theater, and that's bull....
At the same time, I'm not sure any of that matters: I've found that there are people who've never sacrificed anything doing important things and getting the gravy for doing it. At the same time, it seems that there are people who've given up everything to do dinner theater in Small Town, Canada.
Jeez, I thought that I had something intelligent to write, but I guess all I need to do is buy you a beer and say "yup."
But thank god for living in a way that makes us ask these questions: it makes me feel sorry for all of those comfortable computer science majors making $100,000 a year: they'll never know how good it feels to "be home."
Every person, of any fortitude, faces these questioons at some point in their lives -- some sooner, some later -- where do you think Mid-life crisises and Mid-life career changes comes from. A close friend of our family once said "It is never too late to be happy."
Maxine says -- "Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than in a Hyundai."
If you are reading this in the hopes I will be giving you some elderly advice that will bring this all together for you -- not going to happen -- this is one trip you have to make on your own and only you (or you and Bree!) can find the way to happiness. Besides, when I was in the Navy we had a saying "Opinions are like a--holes, everybody has has one."
We love you guys, and as always we will support whatever you decide and we are there to offer whatever support we can to help as you go on your way.
Want a life saver?
Love ya!!!
Dude, you're out there living it now. If you ever decide to come back, you can be assured that you'll have no regrets, because you were there. If you left tomorrow or left a year from now, you did what you set out to do: you were an working actor in L.A.
True Happiness is the key to life. However you choose to achieve it is your decision. I wish you the best.
So, I'm talking with Jenny the other day, telling her that I had an e-mail from Nick..........and Jenny tells me that Jason has a blog.
Fast forward to today, a quiet rainy Saturday at McHenry's favorite photography studio, my work done, just baby sitting the new employee while I play on the computer. Oh, I wonder if I can find Jason's blog since Jenny hasn't sent me the addy yet.
Miracles do happen..........and I find it. The inner rants of the Jason mind. I expect it to be full of hope and desire and audition stories, but I find you being introspective and wondering what you really want out of life and where you want it to be found. Pondering if an accomplished actor has to be a famous one. Finding out that, perhaps, happiness can be found in your own backyard.
There are more of us back here wishing you success than you can even imagine. But for us success will be you supporting yourself in your chosen occupation in whatever town or city you desire to act in. You see, we know you have the raw talent, we know you have the inner drive. You have to choose the field inwhich to plant yourself.
mammagumm
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